


Superstore

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Series: LAOFT Extras [83]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Babies, M/M, being Soft for men holding babies AKA me, its okay he doesn't get very far lol, no amber alerts involved, sorta maybe lowkey accidentally TINY kidnapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 02:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21420583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: There’s nothing “super” about it, in Virgil’s opinion.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Series: LAOFT Extras [83]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1365505
Comments: 29
Kudos: 546





	Superstore

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt:
> 
> "I’m not sure how you will respond to this but like??? Virgil spotting a kid in a kinda crowded not-Wickhills place when out with his Loves and just trying to help and protect that child?!?! I’m soft for it" (from @amtgurly over on tumblr)
> 
> Alternate title – our boys are Really Goddam Weird, and this becomes painfully obvious when they interact with non-wickhills folks
> 
> many thanks to @trivia-goddess for beta-reading this and, honestly, having EXACTLY the reaction i wanted to Virgil’s Weirdness, made my heart do a smile

“I do not like Walmart,”

“I don’t think anybody actually _likes _Walmart, honey,” said Patton, patting Virgil gently on the arm.

Virgil pulled up his hood, frowning and glancing around suspiciously. Logan looked equally wary.

“We’ll be quick,” Roman assured them, “You really can wait in the car, I don’t mind-”

“I mean no offense when I say this, dear,” said Logan fondly, “But I trust you to select gardening supplies about equal to how much I trust you to tell me when a beverage is too hot,”

Patton snorted, and immediately tried to cover it with a cough.

“One time!” exclaimed Roman, “_Once_ I spilled hot tea on you, and I haven’t stopped hearing about it since-”

“And you will not,” said Logan, pecking him on the cheek, “Or at least, maybe not until I stop hearing about tripping over Dizzy,”

“That’s _completely _different-”

“She is very dark colored and it was three in the morning, Roman, how can you expect me to-”

Patton shook his head as the two of them went off toward the garden center, smiling after them. He turned to Virgil, elbowing him a little.

Virgil looked down at him, and there was that short twitch of not-quite-rightness that always came along with Virgil being glamoured. Patton shook it off, gesturing back towards the other end of the store.

“Might as well get some other shopping done while we’re here,” he said, “Come on, I think I saw some raincoats,”

“I _like_ my raincoat,” said Virgil, a little petulantly.

Patton couldn’t resist the slightest amused eye roll. They’d bought Virgil’s raincoat only a few weeks after he’d woken up – a bright, eye-searingly purple, flannel-lined _monstrosity_ that had been the only one they could find on short notice, bought from the secondhand store. Virgil, for reasons no one had been able to quite figure out, had resisted all attempts to replace it like he was resisting unlawful arrest ever since.

“I know, honey,” Patton assured him, “I meant for the rest of us, Logan’s is getting a little rough. You can help me see which ones are okay texture-wise, and then we’ll see if he likes any of them,”

They found a couple to show to Logan, along with a red sweatshirt that Virgil had taken one look at and burst out laughing. When Patton had looked around the clothes rack between them, curious, Virgil had held it up, revealing “Crazy Cat Guy” in wacky black font. The “A” in “cat” was a cat’s head.

“He’ll either love it or hate it,” giggled Patton.

“And we’re buying it either way,” replied Virgil.

But even with the funny sweatshirt, it wasn’t hard for Patton to tell Virgil was getting more and more agitated the longer they stayed. His shoulders kept climbing higher, and he’d occasionally twitch at some far-off noise in another aisle.

“You okay, sweetie?” said Patton.

“I’ll be fine,” said Virgil, which was not an answer and they both knew it.

And then a baby started crying, and Virgil outright flinched.

“Honey, are you sure you don’t wanna go to the car?” said Patton, worried.

Virgil shook his head.

“Do you need me to do anything?”

Another shake, and Patton frowned.

“Let’s go find Roman and Logan, okay? Maybe they’re almost done,”

Virgil nodded immediately, and when he fell into step beside Patton and laid a hand over his on the cart, Patton politely didn’t point it out.

Unfortunately heading toward the garden center apparently meant heading _toward_ the crying baby. Patton picked up the pace, because if Virgil was going to stubbornly _insist_ on staying with the rest of them, Patton wanted to get them all out as quick as possible.

More fortunately, they managed to meet in the middle. Logan and Roman’s cart was full of a variety of garden tools Patton was fairly familiar with, as well as several bags of various soil additives he wasn’t. He coughed, just a bit, and took a moment to be very glad they’d brought the truck and not the car – he definitely didn’t want to be in an enclosed space with that stuff, and Roman was notorious for having his trunk always full of random junk and therefore unusable.

“All good?” said Patton.

“Sure,” said Roman, grinning, “If you can call it ‘good’ when Logan put the fear of God in that poor employee back there-”

“Those were not _nearly_ big enough containers for those pansies,” said Logan, “And I was only trying to be _helpful._ I’m sure they didn’t give him enough training,”

“It’s Walmart, babe,” laughed Roman, “He makes minimum wage, I doubt they gave him _any_ training,”

“Yes, that would clearly fall under the heading of ‘not enough,’ as I said,”

Whatever Roman was going to say was cut off by a loud, absolutely _miserable_ screech.

Logan and Virgil both flinched like someone had hit them – Virgil yanked at the strings on his hoodie, and Logan pressed up against Roman so firmly it looked like he was trying to fuse himself to Roman’s side.

“Poor kid,” muttered Roman, craning his neck to look down the aisle.

Patton immediately felt awful.

The woman with the baby – presumably the mother, though Patton supposed it wasn’t a sure thing – looked nearly as frazzled as the child sounded. Her hair looked like she’d been pulling on it, and she was desperately trying to soothe him with one hand by jingling her keys while blindly grabbing for things off the shelf with the other.

The baby let out another heartrending _wail_, and Patton winced himself. He sounded sick – maybe a cold?

“Poor thing,” he agreed.

“Come on,” said Roman, “We’ll head up front; are you two gonna be okay until we check out?”

“I’ll deal with it,” muttered Virgil, and Logan nodded.

Roman and Patton turned the carts away, and Logan linked one of his arms with Roman’s. They only made it a few steps before Patton realized Virgil hadn’t fallen in step.

Roman seemed to notice at the same time, and he turned around to look.

“_Shit,”_ he spat, abandoning the cart and rushing back down the aisle.

“Wait, what-?” said Patton confused.

Logan seemed equally bewildered – Patton looked back down the aisle, and immediately had to resist the urge to shout.

Because the mother of the baby had her back turned, and Virgil was carefully lifting the child out of the car seat he was laying in.

“_Fuck,”_ said Logan, grabbing Patton by the hand and rushing after Roman.

“You both owe the swear jar,” Patton grumbled, trying to calm his racing heart.

They reached the others just as Virgil laid the baby’s head on his shoulder, either not noticing or not understanding Roman’s vehement gesturing to put him back.

The mother turned, her mouth falling open in shock.

“Hey, what the _hell are you-”_

“I’m so sorry!” blurted Patton, trying to sound just soothing enough to make her not instantly shout for security.

“_V_,” Roman hissed, “Babe, you can’t just-”

Virgil started bouncing, and the wailing stopped immediately.

It startled all of them enough that they fell silent. Virgil looked up then, a small smile on his face.

“He’s asleep,” he said quietly.

The mother gaped.

“Wh- how did you-?”

Virgil shrugged.

“Just some dancing,” he said, “Not too much, obviously, I- he’s so small, it’s just a little,”

This seemed to confuse her even more – understandably, they weren’t exactly _in Wickhills right now_ – and Roman picked up before Virgil could say anything too bizarre to cover for.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, “My husband, he- he’s good with babies, is all. I hope we didn’t freak you out too bad, I-”

“Can you give me-?” she gestured for her child insistently.

“Yes, of course!” Roman blurted, the same moment Virgil calmly replied “Yeah, sure,” and gently passed him over.

The baby’s face scrunched up, but he stayed asleep. The woman seemed utterly baffled.

“He’s- he’s been crying _all day_,” she murmured.

“Sick?” Said Roman sympathetically, clearly still trying to distract her from Virgil, “My Mamaw’s always talking about ginger for colic, like in a tea? Catnip is traditional, but it’s a little trickier to get ahold of without any pesticides, you know-”

Logan started rubbing circles in his temples, looking for all the world like he was going to strangle Roman at the first available opportunity.

Except the mother seemed to find _that_ a lot less odd than the fairy-dance induced nap – not that she knew that – and she looked a little less like she was gonna call the cops.

“Ginger?” she prompted.

Patton saw some of the tension bleed out of Roman’s shoulders. 

Virgil seemed totally unaware that he’d narrowly dodged unintentionally triggering an amber alert. He moved to stand by Patton, setting his chin on top of his head, and he seemed much calmer now that the baby was asleep. 

Roman was as charming as always, and the longer they chatted the more relaxed the baby’s mother seemed. Logan and Patton interjected occasionally, but Virgil seemed content to stay quiet.

At least until several minutes later, when the baby – whose name was apparently Hunter – started fussing again.

The mother – who had introduced herself with “I’m Christy,” and made Virgil and Logan both flinch yet again – cast Virgil a slightly wary look, and Patton felt Virgil tilt his head slightly behind him.

“Can you- could you teach me how you did that?” she asked.

Patton could practically _feel_ the moment Virgil realized he’d backed himself into a corner.

“…Uh,” said Virgil, “Um. No,”

Roman looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. Logan muttered something under his breath that Patton didn’t quite catch, but he got the feeling Logan owed more money to the swear jar. Christy’s expression couldn’t seem to decide between offended and flabbergasted.

“It’s, uh- not something I can. Teach you. I’m pretty sure,” said Virgil haltingly.

Hesitating, Christy glanced down at the baby, who was starting to make some _incredibly _unhappy noises, though he wasn’t actually crying again (_Yet_, Patton thought, a little anxiously).

There was one last pause where Patton really wasn’t sure at all what she was gonna say, and then-

“…Do you think you could do it again?”

Logan’s head jerked toward her, incredulously, and Roman looked a little stunned himself. Virgil relaxed at Patton’s back, stepping around him and nodding with a small smile.

“Of course,” he said.

She passed the child over, looking more this-guy-is-a-little-weird than this-guy-is-a-kidnapper, which Patton was calling a win.

Virgil didn’t set the baby against his shoulder this time, cradling him in the crook of his elbow instead, but he started that exact same rocking motion from before – Patton could see him just barely moving his feet. Him and Hunter, a tiny circle.

Virgil smiled down at the baby, humming low in his throat – Patton could have sworn the glamour on his eyes faltered for just a moment, glittering a delighted purple behind the dark brown and _oh._

Patton felt a little faint all of a sudden.

Virgil, he – he looked-

_Something_, Patton thought, a little hysterically. He looked very _something,_ and Patton had a feeling he was teetering on the edge of a freak-out and only just barely understood why, so he shoved that down as far as it would go and resolved to think it through later when they were not in front of _normal people._

Hunter fell back asleep, and his little round face smoothed out. Virgil made a very soft noise that Patton was tempted to call “cooing” just because he knew it would make Virgil blush and probably stutter adorably, but he wasn’t going to embarrass Virgil in front of his new friend.

Or his new friend’s mom.

Once Hunter was settled back in the car seat, and Christy was walking away with an awkward wave over her shoulder, Logan grabbed Virgil by the sleeve and dragged him back toward their carts, muttering in exasperation.

“What?” said Virgil.

“I love you,” said Logan pointedly.

“How did you say ‘I love you,’ and manage to make it sound like ‘I’m going to strangle you?’”

“It’s a talent of mine,” said Logan dryly.

Roman and Patton took back the carts, exchanging fond looks while Logan explained to an increasingly sheepish Virgil that just because everyone in Wickhills recognized him on sight as a non-threat to children by now, didn’t mean it extended to all humans.

Patton was pretty sure he had managed to stave off the freak-out (and he was very much _not thinking about it right now_ to boot).

They got all Logan’s garden supplies out into the truck – and they _had_ ended up buying Logan a new raincoat, along with the sweatshirt, which Roman had immediately put on as soon as the cashier had scanned it – and piled into the cab. There was a brief game of rock-paper-scissors, which Roman lost. Grumbling a little, he climbed into the back of the cab and propped his feet up across the backseat.

Logan looked a little smug about it, but Virgil was just smiling in that way he sometimes did, his eyes flickering between all of them like couldn’t decide where to rest his gaze. He’d dropped the glamour as soon as they’d got in the car, and his eyes were that bright, familiar purple once more.

So yeah, Patton was still pretty sure he wasn’t going to freak out right this second, but it was impossible to ignore the way his heart was doing loop-de-loops in his chest every time he let himself dwell on the memory of Virgil holding a baby with his face as bright as the moon. Virgil smiling at _him_ was not helping.

“Pat?”

Patton shook himself a little, humming in acknowledgment.

Virgil tilted his head, curious.

“Are you okay?”

Patton thought he should probably get all his emotions untangled before he tried to explain them, but- really, he couldn’t just let it pass without saying _something_ about all the feelings in his ribs right now, jumbled and shiny like someone had shaken up a jewelry box.

Patton reached up and cupped Virgil’s face, grinning.

“You. Are. Just. Too. _Sweet_,” he said, punctuating each word with a little peck to Virgil’s face.

Virgil was rapidly turning crimson, sputtering, and Patton leaned around him to grin slyly at Logan.

“Isn’t he? Aren’t you gonna back me up, honey?”

Logan’s whole face went soft.

“Of course,” he said gently, “He is very sweet,”

“Are we ganging up on Virgil?” said Roman, leaning over the back of the bench, “AKA our dark prince, keeper of our hearts and slayer of all nightmares-”

“Oh, would you- _Roman,_” hissed Virgil.

“Yes, song of my heart? Mate of my soul? Cuddler of babies, seriously, Virgil that _was_ stupid amounts of cute-”

Virgil employed his usual method of getting Roman to shut up – occupying his mouth with other things. Roman let out a pleased little hum, and Logan a sigh of contentment.

Virgil shifted in the seat, pressing closer, and Roman smiled against his lips.

Logan cleared his throat pointedly.

Roman pulled back, but not before giving Virgil one last peck.

“We are _not_ going to be making out in a Walmart parking lot like amorous teenagers,” said Logan flatly.

“Of course not,” said Roman, reaching out to fiddle with some of Logan’s hair, “We’re making out in a Walmart parking lot like married people,”

“Well, you’re definitely _not_ making out while I’m driving,” said Patton, “We will crash, because I am very easy to distract, and we all know it,”

“So what I’m hearing,” purred Roman, “Is that we should get it out of our systems?”

“You, mister, are hearing things,” giggled Patton.

“Only the lovely sounds of my lovely husbands’ voices,”

“Regardless,” Logan cut in, some of that softness still lingering at the edges his exasperation, “We have a perfectly comfortable bed at home. There is no logical reason for us to make a frankly absurd attempt at all four of us kissing in a space this confined-”

Patton rolled his eyes, still grinning, letting their voices wash over him as he pulled out of the parking space and onto the road home.

Today was a good day. Everything else – Patton could deal with it tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find me at @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors over on tumblr!


End file.
